Monday, 5 March 2012

29th February, a full house again

Hot pen.  Everyone brought in a picture or object and swapped with a neighbour.  As usual the writing was varied and imaginative.   This is just a flavour.

·         Mery had a button, she wondered if it was from a call girl’s gown.   Every time she slept with her man a button was sewn on to her gown, which made it very heavy.
·         Cheryl got a picture of a South American lady, and drew a verbal picture of beautiful countryside, people with protruding bellies and no clothes but a sense of belonging.
·         Jane was handed a picture of a chap cutting bread.  The group of travellers went to see the chief who drank a bottle of beer now and then, no-one else was allowed to drink.
·         Ann had a card saying welcome to your new home.  She saw a mouse in her new home and thought, I’ll soon show you.  She brought in a cat but it turned tail and ran when it saw the mouse
·         Christina was given a picture of a mosque.  ‘Dear mum, I am getting married here next week, Asif loves me and I will be following the Muslim faith.   I enclose return tickets and love you always.  Asif has given his approval for me to send them to you. ‘  Oh oh.
·         Alan, who had been given a baby picture, said that very young children are wonderful once they have stopped being shit factories.  How true.
·         John had a bracelet.  While out walking Frank found a bracelet, there was movement in the undergrowth, a man’s head poked up.  You should never get caught with your trousers down, and how could the girl explain the loss of the bracelet!
·         Gerry had a black and white photo of a boy with roller skates. His dad left yesterday so he was the man of the house and had to prove his manhood.  He looked down the hill and launched himself forward. He felt exhilarated as the scales of boyhood peeled off, the wind revealing the young man underneath.
·         Douglas had a picture of a lady with hypnotic, multicoloured hair.  She was about to be attacked by a mugger in a dark alley.  She looked into his soul, the man stared back in fear, and he turned away and ran for his life.
·         Heinke’s picture of a cat in snow made her think that the snow was the cat’s boyfriend and she was enjoying herself frolicking in him.   
·         Ian’s picture of two men standing beside a statue of a soldier made him think of the anniversary of the ceasefire.  A toast was made to absent comrades, it was decided it should become an annual event so that their members will not be forgotten.
·         Betty was given a paperweight with flowers embedded in it.  I am a botanist and want to find the orchid that is depicted in the glass, so must climb the 3,000 feet mountain.
·         Avril wrote a poem, about nature and surf and all sorts of things. Blimey a poem in just 10 minutes.
·         Sue had a photo of a family group in Matalan car park.  What good value but you buy a lot of stuff you don’t need.
·         Geoff was handed a figurine of an angel.  An angel of heaven had introduced him to heaven a few times; he was just about to tell us what she did for him but alas he ran out of time.
·         John’s picture reminded him of a story by Ronald Searle, ‘Down with skool.’   It was about punishment with a cat of 9 tails, which is not thought to be PC today, more’s the pity.
·         Ann was handed a broken box spanner.  The boss gave me a spanner; I had been taken on for work experience at a garage but was being used as slave labour.  When the mechanic went to lunch I fiddled in the engine and loosened a nut which broke the spanner, the boss fired me on the spot.  Result!
·         Chris was given a photo of John McG and other young airmen frolicking naked beside the sea, hiding their family jewels with various props.  John McG was the one hiding his bits with a large flipper!  Boasting again! 

Gerry read out a story about confession.  John went into church, if you did not go to confession you had a mortal sin on your soul and the only solution was absolution. He had a knot in the base of his stomach, he knelt down, yes my child, bless me father for I have sinned, my last confession was six months ago.  I hope I won’t be banned from the church.  The priest said, God can forgive everything, trust in him.  John continued, it happened 2 weeks ago, it was a warm summer evening and my wife was wearing a short dress, she bent over to get something, I was taken by a fit of passion and made love to her.  There was surprise and disappointment from the priest, Is that all you did?  She is your wife, she was consenting in the act and so it is not a sin.  John said that is a huge relief father because we have been banned from Tesco.  Brilliant.

Next week the subject is GAMES.

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