None Of The Following Is Disposable Copy.

I´ve been having a bit of bother with my computer lately and felt like expressing my feelings as the puppy is doing. Wish I could be as laid back as the kitten.Talking of laid back, that was the feeling in the group this week. Very relaxed and pleasant and a good time had by all.


Not so many present as last week but a good number - about 15, I think.

Nik spoke about competitions and handed out copies of this month´s to those without a whizz box. If you don´t have stamps (which have now gone up to 56 pence), then don´t send a
SAE . Simply say that your offering is disposable copy.

Heinke´s book has come out and looked very attractive, I must say. She, however, is not a happy bunny as she has so far found over 50 typos and, if I understood properly, nothing can be done about it now - the printing process has gone too far. I´ll bet she could do a puppy all over the printers, who´ve messed up her baby. Never mind, Heinke. Keep all the faulty copies - you´ll be able to sell them at an enormous profit on Ebay when you´ve won your Nobel Prize.

Nan wrote on today´s subject "Are we there yet?". Hers was a nostalgic piece about day trips to the seaside, back in the day. Many an eye misted over at the descriptions of crunching into cheese sandwiches with sand in them and dresses tucked into knickers before paddling in the freezing water.....

Gerry continued his ghostly tale of the trucker trying to make sense of his weird experience in the mountains meeting people who´d been dead for years in places which no longer exist. Very gripping. Gerry´s writing, it was agreed, had come on no end. Good on you, Gerry!

Alan declared that he felt his true metier is that of a repressed Daily Telegraph leader writer and gave us a really fascinating piece called "Dropping Pennies". This was also nostalgic, describing the uses an old penny was put to and what it could buy. This could be expanded, it was thought. Nik even remarked that it could do so well that Alan could coin it in. ( You may groan...)

Ann F gave us another of her diary extracts, this time about Facebook and a dead friend. Really good, Ann!

Chris followed on last week´s description of her flatpack Hell with a piece on IKEA, its founder and the products, which all have names. Hence Billy the bookcase and Stubborn the spatula!

Mary K tried her hand at a story this week instead of her usual poetry. It was actually an incident, which she is hoping to get published in People´s Friend. Quite touching, it was - about two people meeting briefly on a plane journey.

Ian read a story he´d reworked from some time ago about the Troubles in Northern Ireland. It was a good story but it was felt it had passed its time and would be more saleable if it were brought up to date and the events recalled as a flashback or something similar. Good writing though - too good not to do something more with it.

As we´d had quite a lot of discussion there were several people who didn´t read so next week Glyn, Stan and John have first go.

Poetry is often discussed in the group and it isn´t everyone´s cup of tea. However, I´m sure the following will give you all a good chuckle.

Chris J

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING
FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:



1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming,
that's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
this describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
but I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other,
that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you,
but the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace,
but don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes,
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away,
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
two parts vodka, one part lime.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?

Prepositions,Plans,Planes,Parties and Pampering

I think the title for this week's blog just about covers the range of subjects tackled by the members. If it doesn't, then I apologise although I am sure we could find some link albeit tenuous.

There were eventually 23 in attendance increased to 25 by the introduction of possibly 2 new members, John McGregor and Graham Strachan. It's good to see an increase in the numbers of men attending as this brings a balance to the group.

Nik announced that he had sold his 4th western book to Robert Hale.

Consideration may be required to be given to increasing charges as funds continued to diminish.

TJ has a new mobile telephone number and members should amend their lists accordingly.

This week's suggested subjects were: "Are We There Yet?" or No. 52 Bus.

Glyn had 2 short pieces to read out. The first was a humorous item on prepositions and participles and their use, or not, as the case may be as they could cause confusion. His second reading was even more hilarious as this dealt with the nations of the world's attitudes to war/terrorists threats. No nation was spared. It also reminded me of the poster, "BE ALERT!" then someone had written underneath, "YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS LERTS!".

Mary M gave us a sad tale of an aunt awaiting the arrival of her niece, whom she had not seen for many years, at the airport only for the aircraft to crash into the sea and the aunt left there alone.
This gave thought to those who find themselves in a similar situation as everyone concentrates on the victims but what of those who are left waiting and wondering.

Ian's poem was based on the subject "Are We There?" and dealt with the frustration/annoyance of a father at his twin offspring on a car journey.

Newcomer Graham detailed a very well observed piece about a man ( Graham?) accompanying his wife shopping and it being a no win situation. I'm sure all the men present were able to empathise with the feelings expressed.

Jenny provided an insight to TJ's housewarming party held last Friday where the food was scrumptious, the booze flowed freely and the conversation may have led to outsiders considering that those attending were all arty, farty. Surely not?

Douglas had rewritten his short story about a bungled robbery. This was based on personal experience and while well written it was suggested that he had to divorce himself more from it to be a piece of fiction.

Mary K's poem "A Sinking Ship" was a rant at the expats who for no good reason, were returning to the UK. The sting in the tail was that these people had never grasped the language. An opportunity to rhyme expats and rats was missed despite the poem's title.

Anne F told the tale, in her own inimatable style, of "Creative Time Wasting" and pampering herself. This was a very visual piece of writing and no doubt many on hearing its various elements could sympathise.

Chris gave us "A DIY Experience" or "Flat Pack Hell" which everyone has experienced. Pieces missing, unfathomable diagrams and sheer frustration. IKEA take note!!! Still every cloud has a siver lining and the inevitable domestic dispute means that partners do not need to talk for several days.

Jane also took this week's subject "Are We There Yet?" to tell her tale of the narrator's mother suffering from dementia and the trials and tribulations that this disease causes when it strikes. Everyone thought this a poignant story with good use of imagination. It should be pointed out that this was NOT autobiographical.

Alan's item was a story called "The Best Laid Plan" and told of two families brought together by unscrupulous scheming. The families however are at war with each other leading to the deaths of two young lovers. Undertones of Romeo & Juliet here.

Stan's short story was about an abduction told in his own style. Stan's regional accent always gives the story life.

Last, but by no means least, our other newcomer, John, gave us a piece entitled, "Gordon Is A Moron" and told the tale of two couples having an evening out together where the conversation between the two men, meeting for the first time, is somewhat stilted and lacklustre due to Gordon's attitude. The twist to the story is that Gordon's career is based in customer relations.
Again some of us there have possibly been in a similar situation and have come away thinking that "Gordon" is a moron.

That's it for this week. Hope you all enjoyed the meeting and to the two newcomers we hope to see you back.

Ian C

Bibliomaniac Page

The Inland Magazine, published in Alicante, regularly contains contributions from Rob Innis (TWC Deputy Chairman)

The March edition contains some articles from Rob, including one illustrated by his photos, and a new feature:

'Bibliomaniac Page' (under Rob's pen name, on Page 10) with news, reviews and Costa Blanca author profile, this month featuring Nik Morton (TWC Chairman) and a chance to win one of Nik's books, signed by the author, in a free to enter competition.

The magazine can be viewed online below (just click) if you can't get hold of a copy

Bombs, Brawls and the Bible

Although this week's meeting was a hot pen, 20 members still attended.

Nik presented a number of apologies from members and advised on several magazines recently received. One magazine that the group subscribes to, "Telling Tales", has folded and we hope to receive a refund of our subscription shortly.

Today's subject, chosen at random, was "Woman".

Chris's account of a bar room fracas and its effect on the remaining customers was quite compelling.

Anne F told of a woman's obsession to become an intellectual until she saw the light and settled for a more mundane routine.

Mary M's story of a woman shopper planting a bomb brought memories of Baghdad and Belfast.

Jane gave us a mild rant on a TV programme about woman giving birth to a child and the pressures under which the woman was put.

Pat's very short but very amusing poem about a female tennis superstar had everyone imagining Billie Jean King.

Alan's piece was a short history of woman in the Bible and the origin of their names.

Gerry told the story of an attempted street mugging where the victim was saved by a woman who had a black belt in judo.

Nan's effort was about family life and a conflict of conscience.

Stan related a nostalgic tale of a meeting a woman at the Palais de Danse. Very 50s/60s.
Autobographical? Nan says "No!"

Nik's tale was of a private detective being warned that he was about to be murdered. The warning came from the murderer's wife.

Maureen narrated a piece about a journey in South America and of a woman she encountered there.

Norma told the story of neighbours and in particular, Juanita and her outlook on life.

TJ started by apologising as his effort was about the chairman of a writer's circle and the choosing of the word "woman" as a hot pen. Sounded like inside information!

Glyn gave us a study of women from a man's point of view highlighting both their attributes and faults.

Heinke's usual "off-the-wall" narrative was about packaging and in particular a woman's effort to open a packet of firelighters.

Ian related what could be the opening of a longer piece about the discovery of a woman's body bricked up in the walls of a church partially destroyed in an earthquake.

Jenny gave us thoughts and regrets of being a woman.

Mary K's poem told of seeing a beautiful woman who turned out to be a drag queen.

Ann B's account of a TV interview with a sex change individual was most graphic and illuninating.

After these readings, there was still a little time left so Stan read a true story of his days working at the pits and in particular one of those incidents where there is a chance encounter with ...what? This was X-Files stuff.

As Norma will not be here next week, she told her very visual and true story of attending Buckingham Palace at her husband's investiture ceremony.

A really mixed bag of enjoyable contributions this week. But that's what you get from a hot pen.
- Ian

Brass Monkey Weather?

Just to remind everyone why we moved to Spain..... This is Gothenburg a couple of days ago. The front garden and carport are under that lot!

The other picture is the Peñon in Calpe on a lovely summery day. Mind you, it´s been a bit grey and desperate here, too, this last week. Roll on spring.

Wednesday saw diminished numbers but nonetheless 15 members turned up and a very pleasant meeting took place.

The day´s subject was to include the words: he signed the cheque and passed it to her.

Mary K had written an interesting piece about a man who´s being blackmailed by the woman he´s been having an affair with. It ended with his decision to contact a hitman to kill her. It had possibilities, it was thought, perhaps as a longer story or even as a novel? To it, Mary!

All the other members had come along with their own subjects.

Glyn continued with his novel. He read about the football match where Ned leads his team mates to victory by using his staggering physical attributes to divert the attention of the opposing team´s player who is attempting to score the decisive penalty. Hilarious!

Chris J had written a rant about people who envy others. Would she ever be envious? Of course not!! Except for all those who go on cruises to places she´s never been, and who win the lottery.

Ann F first read out a 50-word story by her 12-year-old grandson published in a book called Mini Sagas ( very good it was, too) then read her own piece written in clipped sentences and present tense about a writer trying to get down to wrting but not having much success. Should be sent off to an appropriate publication, thought Nik.

Cynthia had written a poem about a choral group she belongs to, called Spangles. It was funny and I´d hoped to include some here but haven´t had it sent to me so she´ll have to include it herself when she next writes the blog.

Alan´s piece was a bit of a rant about the commercialism of St Valentine´s Day.

Gerry read half of a rewritten piece called Same Place, Another Time. Very good - we wanted him to go on but he said he´d finish next time.

Nan had done a story about a family coping with the grandfather having a heart attack.

Stan didn´t get round to reading his piece so he´ll start off next time.

By the way, info for those who weren´t there:
the car boot has gone the way of all flesh. Seemingly there were no appropriate licenses so the Guardia saw them off. No more quick perusals at break time , no more ponderings about buying meat pies or cheap books. Pity. I love car boots. Still, it was a lot quieter.
See you next week in a suitably quietly scholarly atmosphere.

Chris J

FEB 10

Nik was back as Chairman and it took him a little time (about five minutes) before his pun-making reasserted itself.

Glyn told the meeting about a helpful book for writers called Writers Market 2010, which he thought was better than the Artists’ and Writers’ year book, as it gives more selections of publishers and what they are looking for and what they will accept. He paid about £10 for it including postage. Nik said it was available from the Book Depository post free.

There were two new members, Stan and Nan (you’re having us on aren’t you? Stan said it was his first attempt at writing. His story was about a holiday at Butlins. Names were being taken for a singing contest and George’s name was put forward. He decided on a Paul Anka song and the boos started. The results were announced and he was the winner, much to his surprise. He found out that he had been entered in Butlins' worst singer contest and that the boos had been orchestrated. In fact the one with the most boos won the contest. Everyone thought it was a good first attempt.

Next came Nan. The best days of your life are your school days and she felt so proud on her first day at school in her new school uniform; she usually had to wear hand me downs. The new children were given a wooden board and plasticine and she set about making a model of a dog. When she finished it she realised that her mother had gone, so she gave the model to the teacher and said ‘I had better get home now, my mother will be worried about me.’ The teacher was hard on her and called her a spoiled brat and when she went home at dinner time she thought the school day was finished, but was dragged to school screaming after lunch. She realised that her brother was right, school really was hell. Everybody enjoyed Nan’s first effort.

Alan’s story was about ‘spot check’, one of the themes for this week. The narrator was doing his garden, got a rash, went to hospital, got MRSA and C Diff and died. Because he went to heaven quite young he was given 35 years of everything he wished but he would rather go back to his old life as long as he could have a bit of luck once a month. It was thought that if he had used his name when he was at the doctor’s earlier in the story, there would have been less confusion when he ended up in heaven. At least I will be warm where I am going!

Heather’s contribution was about a cop’s widow in the USA called Marcy. She had come to see the lieutenant. Her dead husband’s partner, Barney, had been suspended after his death, we don’t know why yet. Marcy said that if a homicide detective is suspended Joe public will think he did it if the force insisted on looking in the wrong direction. This is part of a longer story. Nick suggested reading cop fiction to get the flavour of what publishers are looking for, and doing research into the police set up in America as there was a bigger market for these types of stories if they are set in America.

Chris’s contribution was on the theme ‘seeing ourselves as others see us.’ It was about the change in routine that is necessary when visitors arrive. You have to get up earlier, you can’t slop around in old clothes, and you give a sigh of relief when they go. It also makes you rediscover your neighbourhood and even feel a sense of civic pride in the changes that have happened. You discover that your feelings about Spain are redefined and that actually it is not too bad after all. Thought-provoking.

Christine also wrote on the theme of ‘spot check.’ Her poem was about spots on the bum. I hope they are not catching! Better give that the bum’s rush.

Mary K wrote a poem about ‘the woman next door’. A young attractive widow moved into the street, threatening the stability of marriages as the men were all keen on her. After a few months it was noticed that she was pregnant and the ladies waited nervously to see who the baby would resemble! Amusing as usual.

Jenny had written a ditty about dieting, a subject dear to all our hearts. We all ate big breakfasts in the 70’s and weren’t worried about diets then because that was before calories were invented. How true!

Ian’s poem was on the theme of ‘the visit’. Early morning the sky was grey, there are miserable faces on all you see. It was about a visit back to Scotland. Was he glad to get back to ‘laugh in the sun!’

Rita’s story was ‘a brief observation.’ She had been watching ‘Come dine with me’ when a young so-called celebrity, a pop singer, didn’t know who Omar Sharif was, when he had been such an important actor and had starred in Rita’s favourite film Dr Zhivago. It was a shock to realise that the generation gap was so wide. That got us all going.

Glyn’s story continued. Ned had an afternoon soccer match to look forward to. He went to the sports store for his kit, and indicated his keenness to be in the team. The pep talk before the game was ‘if they move kick them, every time you fall down shout foul, but fair play was paramount, so make sure the ref doesn’t see you when you kick the bastards.’ Very amusing as usual.

Rob’s tale was on the theme ‘she burst into tears’ and concerned Russell’s dilemma. Anna fancied Russell but all was not as she thought. They all worked at the same firm. Anna wanted someone to go to the theatre with her so Russell went. Afterwards she rang up the narrator saying that she was going to resign because she felt so humiliated. “Why didn’t you tell me, I felt such a fool.” It turned out that Russell was gay and she hadn’t realised, and in those days there wasn’t the tolerant attitude to homosexuality that exists today. It was suggested that more description of the characters would give them life; clothes and body language can convey character.

I told members of a new prize for writers over the age of 60 (of course there are only a couple at the TWC!). They want stories of no more than 750 words which must be an account of something that happened in your own life. Details are available on www.bookbite.org.uk. You don’t have to send the stories by email as they can be handwritten or typed. The winner receives £500 in book tokens. However, as Rob pointed out entries have to be from people resident n the UK, although I am sure that is not an insurmountable problem.

Another enjoyable meeting. Welcome to our new members and welcome back to those returned from their sick bed or trips abroad.
Cynthia

Full House

This week's meeting was well patronised with 24 members in attendance.

Rob took the chair in the absence of Nik. Two main announcements were made the first being that Nik had had a manuscript accepted . The story is in the "adult" genre. The second announcement was made by Jerry in that a short story which he had read out a few weeks ago had been accepted for inclusion in "Frontier Tales".

Anne F read her woman's story which had a really good ending. It was suggested that she should try to have this published in some of the women's magazines in the UK.

Jerry gave us a piece of flash fiction with a rendition of "First Time". A story about a landscape artist.

Glyn continued his apprentices story and was up to his usual standard. A couple of tweaks were suggested which Glyn took an board.

Rita's contribution was a book review of "Three Cups of Tea", the story of an explorers effort to build schools in Afghanistan.

Brenda read out "Minerva's Story" which is the second diary of her novel. Some members suggested several changes whilst others felt it should remain as it was as the piece worked well.

Mary K's effort this week was a poem entitled "Sports Report" and was a synopsis of various sporting events and their participants which had taken place over the last week.

Ann B's poem called "Rain" was based on one of the themes suggested for this week.

Chris narrated an item called "No Such Thing As A Free Lunch" and was a report on a trip where to receive free gifts of a duvet and a cross, she and her husband had to endure a presentation outlining the benefits of a new medical machine.

Jane gave us a rant on her "favourite subject - Computers and IT. It turned out to be a rant on new technology in general and the style portrayed Jane's usual humourous style.

Pat was encouraged to read her piece which was the completion of last week's hot pen. This was a very clever item which incorporated a mixture of poetry and prose in an excellent, funny and very visionary piece of writing.

Douglas gave us a scene setter of his latest work "Patrol". He wondered not so much about the actual content but the atmosphere and tension he was trying to create. The comments were all favourable.

Phil read out an item "In Search Of The 10th Legion". This was a competition entry of 500 words based on the theme of a journey. It transpired that the hero wanted to be involved in the making of a film and was being cast as an extra. Dissolusionment with the movie industry quickly set in however.

Look forward to next week when we will be hearing from those who had no chance to read.

Ian C